project 52, week 14

I'm going to apologize for the dearth of posting around here; top of my list today is "call comcast and be VERY STERN about how awful they are." But until then, here's the latest in the self-portrait project


There are moments when people have said "you have such a glamorous life!" These moments usually happen when I'm at an art show, working a crowd, or perhaps heading off to a wedding in some far-off city and during them, I'm always ALWAYS wearing heels. I try to protest, try to explain that those are high points, and people think I'm being modest.

They don't see me at the end of a shoot, covered in sweat, wrinkled, barefoot, filthy, with my makeup worn off and dark circles forming under my eyes, too tired to sit up. They don't see me in the planning stages for those shoots, sorting through piles of random accessories and racks of slightly musty clothes at the thrift store, looking for the perfect piece. They don't see me at the end of twelve hours of wedding coverage when I'm so tired and hungry it's all I can do to hang on to my camera and I have to pull together just one more family shot. They don't see me when I'm sitting at my desk at two in the morning, trying to finish and album, or silently swearing at a shoot that just wasn't as good as I wanted it to be. They don't see the times when I'm so frustrated I could cry, or discouraged and sure I'll never produce a decent shot again, and my indefatigable cheering section kicks my butt and tells me to get on with my work.

It's ok that people don't see me at those times. I prefer it that way, I think.

But trust me when I say: my life isn't glamorous, but it is so so worth it. Yes, I work hard, and yes, I work all the time, and no, I don't remember what it's like to have a vacation. But I'm ok with that. I love what I do, and I know how fortunate I am to be able to say that.